Hopping from one serious?relationship to another may be a boost to one?s self worth, but it can be damaging in the long run. While it?s good to have someone to share every?feeling with, it?s important to know the single you too. Postnoon speaks to experts about serial?committers.
Man is, indeed, a social animal. He needs a partner to sulk with and to cry on. While it?s important to have someone besides you, it?s equally important to know who the real you are. If you find yourself getting into a romantic relationship after you?ve barely ended the previous one again and again, you might be in trouble. Not that there is any specific time period one can allot to people to move on from one relationship to another, a little ?alone-time? is necessary.
?I had my first relationship when I was 12 years old. I?ve never looked back at a failed relationship since then,? says a now married, 36-year-old Rajesh Gupta. By definition serial committers are those who give themselves completely to what they?re doing, until it?s time to move on to something else. We often find people who give everything to a relationship but don?t pause if it fails ? they simply move on to the next romantic possibility.
?I?ve been in eight serious relationships. While each relationship typically lasted for more than four years, there has never been a gap between any two relationships ? not even a day?s gap. I usually had a back-up plan ready before ending a relationship,? says Rajesh, who likes the knowledge that there is someone to turn to. ?According to my shrink, I have a need to be needed. I constantly need validation. Even though my friends persistently advised me to try and stay single before jumping into the next commitment, I ignored their suggestions,? adds Rajesh.
Rajesh, who has been brought up by his grandmother and mother, adds that he has always felt comfortable in the company of women. ?Mostly, it was my grandmother who raised me. Probably, this is why I?ve always felt more at ease in the company of women,? he says, adding that despite being in so many relationships he?s never looked back. ?Out of sight is out of mind. I?ve never revisited any of my previous relationships.?
Like Rajesh, there are many who don?t remember the feeling of singlehood any more. They?ve been so occupied in finding someone that they?ve forgotten how to find themselves now. While Rajesh might think he?s leading a healthy, hearty life, consultant psychotherapist at Live Life Hospital Dr Vasuprada Kartic feels otherwise.
?It is important to stay single after getting out of a serious relationship because you need to know yourself as someone sans the relationship. While in a relationship, we become used to seeing ourselves vis-?-vis the relationship we?re involved in. Moreover, it is important to analyse the failed relationship and look at it objectively,? says Dr Kartic. ?Because, many of us attach our self-worth to the relationship we?re in, we depend on being part of a romantic involvement for an ego boost. However, because we are emotionally vulnerable after a break up, getting into something in that state is not advisable.?
?Either way, whether you are dumped or are the one to end the relationship, you are emotionally vulnerable,? says Dr Kartic, adding that factors like social acceptance and societal pressure also play a major role. ?Being in a relationship, especially for those in their mid 20s, becomes integral according to the people around them.?
When asked if people seek help for being serial committers, Dr Kartic says: ?No. The pattern is usually discovered in context to a relationship crisis they seek help for. While they should, people don?t directly seek help for this.?
After a break up?
- Surround yourselves with friends
- Don?t play the blame game
- Heal Resentments and Hurts
- Reconnect with Yourself
- Clarify What You Are Looking For
- Appreciate the Lessons
Category: Family & Relationships
Source: http://postnoon.com/2013/02/02/serially-committed/106256
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